If you are new here or if you haven't read in awhile, please just skip this post and come back to it later because it will be very confusing for you and you'll probably get the wrong idea about me - like that I'm just some freak who whiles away the day googling for mandatory sex parties.
I'm sure that's what Boyfriend thought.
He was on the computer, doing adult things (no, not like porn - like analyzing the stock market) when I realized that I wanted - nay needed - to google mandatory sex parties.
Me: "Can I see the computer?"
Boyfriend: "What for?"
Me: "I need to look something up..."
Boyfriend: (Keeps looking at stocks and ignores me because he knows that I'm probably just overly excited about something stupid)
Me: "Duncan! I need to look something up. Now!"
Boyfriend: "What is so important that you absolutely need the computer right now?"
Me: "Mandatory sex parties."
Me: "Mandatory sex parties. I need to look up mandatory sex parties to see if they actually exist."
Boyfriend: "Why on Earth would you need to know if mandatory sex parties exist?"
Me: "Maybe you'd have an answer to that if you were a better boyfriend and actually read my blog..."
Boyfriend: "You wrote about mandatory sex parties on your blog? Maybe it would be best if I didn't read it..."
Me: "Just give me the goddamn computer, Asshole."
Boyfriend: "Fine. But I will not be a part of your mandatory sex parties."
Me: (doesn't answer. Doesn't pause to reflect on the irony of what Boyfriend just said. Too busy typing "mandatory sex party" into google)
So I googled it. And this is what I found (you'll probably have to click to make it bigger, but it's worth it):
Apparently I'm the only person on the whole internet to ever use the phrase "mandatory sex party."
But the world loses because there is no information out there about mandatory sex parties.
We need to fix this.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to seed the internet with the term "mandatory sex party." Go wild. Write a post about it, make a Wikipedia entry on it, submit it to the Urban Dictionary... just get it out there. The world needs to know more about mandatory sex parties which is something we are going to make up together and we can make it into anything we want. We have the power to shape the world right now, you guys. Everyone else will learn about mandatory sex parties from us.
And that has the potential to be awesome - or just really, really weird but probably also awesome.
Be a part of history. Change the world. Write about mandatory sex parties.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: So I just realized that we should probably try to get "mandatory sex party" in Twitter trending topics. Oh God, please let this happen...
Please Tweet #mandatorysexparty and also encourage everyone you know to do it. No one will know what is happening and they'll be all "what the hell is a mandatory sex party?" and then they'll google it and find the stuff that we wrote! And then google will be all "WTF?" And then we win. Seriously you guys... please, please, please do this! The world needs this.
IMPORTANT UPDATE #2: I just tried to create the basics for a Wikipedia page for "mandatory sex party" but then I realized that it would probably get deleted if we didn't seed the rest of the internet with the term first. It is what Wikipedia calls a "protologism" or "neologism" and Wikipedia has a big stick up there butts over what is allowed to be a legitimate new phrase. We therefore must work on legitimizing the phrase first before we can create a Wikipedia page that is likely to actually stick around so that future generations may learn the wonders of mandatory sex parties.
So write about it, Tweet about it (#mandatorysexparty), post fake research articles about it (heck, even post real research article about it - what you do on your own time is non of my business...) or submit an entry to the Online Dictionary.
IMPORTANT UPDATE #3: So my friend Noelle just emailed me and asked me how to define mandatory sex parties and this is the best I could come up with:
"Okay, so I think a mandatory sex party is a party where once you walk in the door, you are obligated to have sex. I would think that these parties often disguise themselves as costume parties or birthday parties or baby showers but THEN as soon as they entice people in the door, they are all "guess what this actually is? It's a mandatory sex party, bitch!"
IMPORTANT UPDATE #4: Look what Timoteo made!
You guys, this is seriously awesome. I'm so glad we're doing this!